My dad is a douche.

I was supposed ot meet with him on the 28th...so he refuses to come.  We schedule it for the 8th, and he goes missing.  We schedule it for the 14th of March, and HE FUCKING LEAVES TOWN.

If I have to go back there, and attempt to talk to him, I'm going to fucking punch him. It won't hurt him, but I'll be satisfied if I break all my knuckles.  So, I have no idea where my dad is, and I have no idea when he'll be talking to me next.
But, there's no way in hell I'm going back to his house on Thursday.  My sister's been crying too much (again) because the police are going to have to talk to us.  But I don't care...I. hope. my. dad. dies. and. if. the. police. have. to. talk. to. us. so. I. don't. need. to. go. there. anymore...I'm okay with that.

I'm not even scared or sad anymore, I'm so frustrated. Or angry. or something, i don't know. I'm ashamed that he's my biological father.

Sleeping is getting really weird. Sometimes I do, and it has a bunch of night terrors, and most the time I just don't.  But Ian helps with that. Or, he kind of helps with everything...

(most people would stop reading, unless your Ian, for hatred of me sounding like a cheesy romance movie)

Remember how I was always 'Gah! Anti-love! We can't fall in love at 14! That's weird! RAH!'?  It changed.  I sort of, maybe, kind of, really, resisted falling in love. But I did. And sometimes I hate it.
But most of the time, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't even think I could really say what Ian is. He makes me lose all sense of the English language.  But I see hiim every morning, and my face splits into a smile...even though most of the times I want to die...but I can't help it. And when the phone rings, my heart goes into my throat because it could be Ian! And you think after taking to him for 4 hours a day, something would get boring...but it can't. Everything he does, I love. And even though people say we're a weird match. I know that we're not.
And I'm going to marry him.

Not right now, not in five years...but definitely some time.  We've already planned our lives. As sick as it may seem... I like the way it sounds.  I can sleep when he talks to me.  I CAN SLEEP! Being around him makes me feel safe, or something..I don't know. And I know that he is that 'someone' because he makes the impossible easy. It's stupid to say I know I fell in love because Ian makes me sleep. But it's the best way I can say it. 
See...I'll keep Ian in check for good grades. Then I'll go off to college. And so will he...he'd either be in the same college, or go to a college near there. We'll share an apartment together, and even though we probably won't have money...I'd sleep on the floor with him and eat peanut butter every day of my life if it meant being by him. Then we'll graduate college, and I'll work in genome researching, and then go into OSHA for seeing how drugs affect humans.  And he'll have his job, whatever it is, and we'll be happy.
He'll propose to me at 22, and we'll get married once we're out of college. Ofcourse, I'll cry when he drops to his knee.  Then the wedding will be classic...and amazing. And my dad won't walk me down the aisle. And neither will his dad...but who cares. I'll get my mom.
And then we'll live in a small house, nothing too big, and I'll have a kid.  Then we move to a good school district, and we'll raise it right.  I'll have another one in two or three years, and then Ian will be the best father. Because I know he will be...or I'll kick his ass.
I won't have to worry about being abused, because I know Ian would rather kill himself than harm me.  And our kids will be smart, and if it's a boy, Ian will teach him to skate. And we'll teach 'em guitar.  And I'll paint my little girls' fingernails, and do their make up.

And then we'll grow old together. And I'll die at 85...or right after whenever Ian dies.  I won't have to worry about going to heaven, because I would've already lived with Ian for 70 years, and that's the best heaven anyone could give me.

See? at 14 I already know my life. And that's why sometimes I hate being in love. Because everything is so set in stone...no new excitement. But he makes every day worth it.

Uh. So now that you've read my tacky story of my life. I leave you with:

I <3 Ian, Love and pencil sharpeners,

Nat