Summer's gone by quick, ja?

There's not a whole lot I had planned to do. But I'm sure if I did plan something, I definitely would fall short of my hopes.

I can't have goals this summer, I can't have boredom days, I can't have days that I spend only at QFC for lack of entertainment.
Because I'm busy. Because 865 people alway ask me 'When are we gonna hang out? 'Let's hang out soon' 'You and I should chill sometime'. And it pisses me off.
Not like I'm mean and don't want to hang out with you. but I don't.

Tennis tuesdays and fridays. Guitar wendesdays. Ian whenever humanly possible. Chris. Dustin. Mattie.  AH.

I'm going to lose my left index fingernail.  Not too big of a thing for me, but it's kind of nasty. I'll just wear a fake one over it.  No one likes a sausage finger.

My mom had a heart attack in germany. Most people know already. She got surgery, and is now only really weak.  She'll get better. She has to.

I busted my lips open.  They swelled up pretty bad and freaked out everyone at tennis.  Got them suchered up and now I only have a weird speech impediment.

I meet with my dad some days for dinner.  That's always painful.  Haha, it's horrible; I get so nervous and on-edge about what to say that I forget to chew my food and just swallow it whole. And choke. Or I keep my jaw so clenched that it hurts to open it and I get lock jaw.

Man i'm really A.D.D, right?

I just thought of the word Jondas. I think of that alot. Here's where you can stop reading if you're a male. 
I take zoloft for depression and to calm me down because I'm a nervous tweak, and it fucks up my hormones.  Like, I've never had cramps before. Ever. And then once I start taking zoloft, I get them so bad that I get dizzy, feel like I'm going to throw up, can't breath, and it hurts to walk.
Fucccckiing suckkssss.

 And here's where you can start reading again. But will most likely stop again because it's gonna be about Ian.
Not to brag, or boast, or try to sound stupid and annoying (which I undoubtedly already do) But he's amazing. haha, I always hate talking about him to other people, but I find that it's word vomit.  He could do anything (which he pretty much has) and I still take him back.  Dustin calls me stupid, but the line between forgiveness and rejection gets verrry blurred when you're in love.
'In love' that sounds so bad to say. Sounds corny.  Like you don't compliment yourself in front of other people because that's conceited, same with how you don't say I'm in love. Anyways. It's funny hearing girls say 'I want a boy to treat me nice. To call me beautiful, not hot. To walk three miles in the pouring rain just to show up and say I love you' Because ian does that.
Once again, not to be conceited. but he does. And I don't care that he'll be the only guy I have for the rest of my life, because nothing will top him.  It can't. And after 9 months, I still spend a couple hours on the phone with him at night, and most days together. Some part of me says you're stupid for deciding at 15 that you're going to marry this boy, but the other part knows it's right.
Today we went to the county fair, and then came back home and laid on the couch watching T.V, until we played with twirl-o-paint and tried to wax various hairy places on each other. And I could do this everyday and not get tired of it.  He's not a 'boyfriend' anymore, it's like he's a best friend.  I honestly think if I didn't like him so much, he would be a best friend. Because we click. But I do oh-so-enjoy the way my skin gets hot and prickly when he touches me.

Wow. I'm done. Remind me never to talk of him again to other people.
it's gross.

nat, yo